Alyssa Patmos 0:04
This is Make It Mentionable. I’m Alyssa Patmos and this is the show about being human in a world that encourages us to be robots. I invite you to join me as we journey through the mess, the magic and the mania in between. Because what we can talk about, we can manage. This honest conversation extravaganza includes free flowing conversations and high doses of vulnerability to remind you that you aren’t alone. No topic is off limits, and episodes are designed to leave you smarter, aka more self aware than when you came. I am so glad you’re here.
Hello, Hello. And welcome back to another episode of Make It Mentionable I am live from Greece this week. So if the sound quality isn’t as good as normal, please pardon me for this one episode. But I wanted to be able to share some things live from Greece. So currently, on this leg of the trip, I’m in Santorini. And it really has brought up a lot of thoughts for me on presence. And in general, this trip has has had me thinking about presence a lot. And so I have three, I have three insights that I wanted to share on presents based on things that have been going on while we’ve been traveling. And the first one is, are you focusing on reduction? Or are you focusing on resilience? And specifically, when it comes to stress? Are you focusing on reducing your stress? Or are you focusing on cultivating a sense of resilience, and this popped up because on our first flight here, not the first, the second, we flew from Denver to Chicago. And then we flew from Chicago to Athens. But the flight from Chicago to Athens was delayed seven hours, which Jeff and I had planned three days before, like we had adjusted our sleep schedule, so that when we arrived at the, at the suppose that time in Athens at eight in the morning, we would just be ready to go. So it was a little bit disappointing. And pieces of it were stressful, it’s this thing that we have no control over. And, and we’re missing out on half a day in Athens. And it, it wasn’t the most fun experience in the airport that I have ever had. And so I was reminded of the difference between stress reduction and stress resilience, then because it’s the difference between if we only focus on reducing our stress, then we’re just trying to eliminate it, we’re just trying to get rid of everything in our life that might potentially trigger us or that might potentially induce stress. But that’s, that’s a futile effort, we can’t do that we can’t possibly get rid of everything that can cause us stress. And so a much better way to go about it is is to cultivate a sense of resilience. And when I think of resilience and thinking about the ability to bounce back from stressful situations, with more grace, with more ease, so that we can get back to presence sooner. And it’s the difference of, of being in conflict and and feeling like oh my god, I just have to get away from someone. Versus Okay. Conflict has happened, how can we repair? How can we get back to a ground where both people feel safe? And again, with greater efficiency? Or how can I get back to a place where I feel safe in my nervous system again? How can I get back to a place where I feel like I have agency over the situation and I’m not just at the effect of of everything around me feeling like it’s just happening to me. I feel like you could do an entire episode on cultivating resilience and mitigating, mitigating
stress that way, rather than just trying to cut out everything in our lives that can potentially cause stress. But I’m not going to go fully into that right now, because I have dinner reservations. But this first insight that came up for me is around the importance of being able to cultivate resilience and being able to bounce back from something quicker. Because the second thing the second thing that I’m always reminded of on vacation is and I love talking about with people is we can’t escape ourselves on vacation, we can go to a new environment and learn new things about ourselves experience ourselves in different ways, we can potentially not have the same triggers because we’re in a different environment, different things are going on. But we fundamentally can’t escape ourselves. If if you feel more lonely at home, just going on vacation probably isn’t going to take that away. If if your relationship doesn’t feel great at home, going on vacation isn’t going to magically change that. If you if you are discontent at work, and you’re unable to shut your brain off about that, it’s not going to magically go away on vacation. And those things can distract us from being able to be present from from being able to relax, and to enjoy the benefits of being in a different environment. And so if we’re just focused on stress reduction versus resilience, that can then get really stressful when we have some of these familiar triggers come up, it’s like, this isn’t supposed to be happening, like I’m on vacation like this is supposed to be like trigger free zone relaxation, free, or relaxation to the max zone, like what was happening. And so I’m constantly remembered, anytime I go on a trip, that we have to let go of this expectation that you’re being transported to this other world where all of a sudden, you know, stressors don’t come up and, and feelings that you’ve been contemplating at home in one way or another, whether they’re macro, or micro, they don’t just disappear, they’re with you. It’s a gift, though, because we can experience them when we’re in a new environment can give us space to think about them in a new way. But resisting them, and just being angry that they’re coming up, isn’t going isn’t going to help anything. So the first insight is around, are you focusing on stress reduction, or you focusing on resilience, and we can’t control everything that’s happening, we can’t control everyone’s reactions around us. But we can control how quick we’re able to bounce back, once we’ve sort of felt off kilter. And remembering that we can’t escape ourselves as much as we try sometimes to, again, avoid a trigger or reduce it, we can’t escape ourselves. And so rather than shunning or pushing away a part of us that wants to be heard, how can we allow it to be heard, in many ways, we’re, when you go on vacation, as a couple, you’re going on vacation with four people, each of you, the adult version of each of you, but also the inner child version of each of you, or the different parts that that are playing out and coming to the surface right now that that want attention for many people that that is their inner child, but maybe the perfectionism part comes out, maybe, maybe your controlling part comes out because you feel more uncertain on vacation. And so you have this part of you that wants to control things more often. And so your partner is going on vacation with you, but they’re also going on vacation with this controlling part that really wants to be heard and wants things to go the way they want them to go. And so remembering this, it can also bring us back to to the importance of the first insight around resilience, where it’s like, okay, I know these things are gonna happen, how can I bounce back quicker, we’ve had numerous things this week happen outside of just adjust the flight and, and it hasn’t hindered the vacation. It hasn’t hindered our ability to be present. As much as it would have if we didn’t focus on cultivating resilience and being able to bounce back quicker. It’s not about eliminating things from happening at all. We wouldn’t be able to experience the contrast and know and know what’s good as well, if we didn’t have that, so it’s our ability to bounce back faster.
And, and the third insight I had it’s it’s been pieced together through an article I read through having having drinks last night on at a bar overlooking the sea in Santorini. And in a conversation with Jeff and I it’s sort of an amalgamation of of three different three different things. This week, but it’s around consistency. And so often we put so much pressure on ourselves to to be consistent in doing something. Because often when we have a new idea or something that we want to step into, it is important to be consistent. Because it’s how we come to understand ourselves. It’s how people can trust us differently. But with that being said, we can also put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have it have to be a certain way. And I think there’s a lot of magic in allowing for inconsistency. But intentional inconsistency. And what I mean by that is, you know, in a lot of ways, being consistent is great, like being consistent with the show showing up every week and doing a show, even if I’m in Greece, or, or being consistent in in sleeping habits or eating habits. But in areas of personal growth, it’s actually really great to be inconsistent, because we’ve developed these patterns over our life, that that influence how we show up how we behave. And when it comes to our evolution. And when it comes to our growth. Many times what we actually need to do is stop being so consistent in those things, we need to be able to pause and say like, Wait, this isn’t the reaction that I want to have right now, let me think about this, let me take a breath, let me self regulate for a second and come back with a different reaction. And so that inconsistency and breaking the pattern is actually what we what we need and what we want, and then becoming consistent in that new one that works better, is the ultimate goal. And so I think sometimes we put a ton of pressure on ourselves to to be consistent. And you know, when we start out with a new project or a new idea, we can also we can often feel like not not being consistent, not showing up, like not being present with with the project. But my question then becomes, is it true, you’re actually not being consistent? Or are you being consistent, but with the wrong thing, because sometimes when we start a new project, we feel like we’re not being in we feel like we’re not being consistent, because maybe we’re not posting routinely, or maybe we’re not writing as much as we want to, or maybe we’re not cooking the type of meal we want. As as often as we we feel like we should be at the moment. And in those cases, what are you actually being consistent about then, because in those cases, it might be that you’re being consistent. And perfectionism and trying to get every little detail, right? And so it’s making it way harder to be to show up with that new idea. Or, or maybe you feel like the meal has to be, you know, so rigid, that it just becomes overwhelming. You can’t allow yourself too, to deviate in any way. And so it’s these other consistencies that’s making it difficult to truly be consistent with the thing that you that you want to give your presence to. And so sometimes the thing that can actually help us be more consistent, is allowing for some inconsistencies. Like this show this week, I don’t have my normal podcast mic with me, I don’t have a ring light, I don’t have the normal equipment I use and so the quality may not I’m not sure yet may not be as great as it normally is. But it’s more important to me to to get the show out there and to share and to share these things, rather than just making sure that every little thing matches and is consistent in quality across the board. If I got hung up on that this episode wouldn’t have happened.
So all three of these insights are related to presence for me in some way. And I think the biggest reason why why presence has been on my mind is because last night we went to dinner in Santorini and Santorini is I think the most well known village in Greece for sure. But I’m not actually convinced it’s the most well liked. It is absolutely the most well known because constantly all you see are people on their phones just trying to take pictures of the sunset. It was a little bit giant me when we first got here the amount of people who are on their phone while while we’re at dinner. Just tables, where, where they’re just taking pictures of the cocktails or just seeing pictures of the sunset. And for how long that was happening. That wasn’t happening in the same way in Athens or, or increase. And it was a little bit jarring to me. Because, because I really enjoy being in the moment and being able to fully experience the sunset and not always feeling like, I have to snap that that perfect photo. And so it led to some conversations around presence and being in the moment last night. And, and likewise, when when you can get stressed out at the airport or stressed over a delayed flight, or, or something else needing attention that you really hadn’t planned for that day, you know, that can kick us out of presence. But it’s ultimately up to us how quickly we come back to it. And that’s where the resilience piece is so, so important and why I’m continually obsessed with with understanding it at a deeper level. And then remembering that we don’t leave ourselves behind. Just because we go somewhere else, as much as you know, it feels easier to escape things at times, we’re not truly escaping it. And so again, allowing yourselves to be present with those parts of us there as well, rather than just trying to shun them and push them away, allows us to return to presence and the moment and being able to enjoy it at a deeper level more quickly. And, and lastly, if you want to be present with a project, sometimes giving yourself with breaking recognizing, okay, I might not be consistent being consistent in the area where I want. So where am I? Where am I being consistent? And how is it hindering me? What do I need to let go of? And how can I embrace inconsistency intentionally, so that I can redefine my relationship with this new project? And exploring those questions can bring us back to to presence quicker as well. So this has been a short episode from Greece. I’m excited to share more about our time here because I think it’s interesting, like I said, like Santorini is probably the most well known village but I have heard numerous people say like, I I love it. I’m glad I did it, but then they like other places more. So it seems like it’s the wellness, the most well known, but I’m not sure it’s the most well liked. It’s gorgeous and amazing. And I have had different experiences elsewhere that I think are that I think are underrated compared to compared to what what gets talked about here. So I want to share some more of that. But I haven’t fully experienced Santorini I have three more days. So I will do that once I know more. Thank you so much for tuning in. And if this sparked anything for you around presence or or how you can feel in the moment or if you have thoughts on resilience, I would love to know head on over to the comments and I will meet you there. Thanks so much for tuning in and I will catch you next week.
You’ve just finished listening to another episode of Make It Mentionable with me, your host, Alyssa Patmos. If you’re looking for more in between episodes, then sign up for The Peel. It’s my free newsletter that gives tips for how to navigate whatever life dishes and it’s also the place where I share the juiciest of stories. To check it out, head on over to AlyssaPatmos.com/ThePeel. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I’ll see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai