Mindset Pivots to Curb Perfectionism

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ABOUT THE EPISODE

I talk about perfectionism a lot because it’s a sneaky little coping mechanism with more tentacles to grip us than an octopus 🐙 But today we’re loosening that grip.

In today’s episode, I’m diving deeper into perfectionism and sharing two phrases you can adopt right away that have consistently helped me loosen the grip perfectionism once had in my life.

Plus, hear about how the lead singer of Snow Patrol showed up on stage with a music stand and started one of his songs over (even though he’s been playing them for 20 years).

Drop me a note in the comments if this episode resonates and let me know how you plan to use the phrases.

Is there a topic you want me to cover on the show? A question you’re dying to ask? Send me a text at (512) 710-5124.

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Alyssa Patmos 0:04
This is Make It Mentionable. I’m Alyssa Patmos and this is the show about being human in a world that encourages us to be robots. I invite you to join me as we journey through the mess, the magic and the mania in between. Because what we can talk about, we can manage. This honest conversation extravaganza includes free flowing conversations and high doses of vulnerability to remind you that you aren’t alone. No topic is off limits, and episodes are designed to leave you smarter, aka more self aware than when you came. I am so glad you’re here.

Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Make It Mentionable. I’m your host Alyssa Patmos and in this week’s episode, we are talking about perfectionism. We’re talking about the way it creeps into our lives, why we take it on in the first place. And I’m sharing two mindset pivots that have really helped me loosen the grip of perfectionism in my life. So I’ve got plenty of stories on this topic today. And let’s dive in. So I don’t know if you know, I write about it in my emails. I talked about it on the show sometimes. But I go to a lot of concerts. Jeff and I both love live music. And I went to a Snow Patrol concert recently. And it was it wasn’t the full band. It was more acoustic. Oh my gosh, that was so good. I feel like if you’re a Grey’s Anatomy fan, then then you definitely know Snow Patrol because of chasing cars. It’s like such an integral song in the show at numerous times. So I was never really a Grey’s Anatomy fan. I binge watched it, there was something going on. And at one point, I just binge watch so many seasons of it. And so now I’m caught up. Um, I don’t watch a lot of TVs. So it’s rare for me to binge watch now. But at that point in my life, it was like okay, blow drying my hair gonna watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. All right, going, like on a walk, like I’m gonna I’m a weird person who will just listen to the audio of the show, without watching it on the screen, which I know is very strange. And Jeff makes fun of me for it. Um, but then if there’s like a really important scene, I just go back and rewind it and like, watch what I need to see visually. I’m weird. I know. So anyway, I went to a Snow Patrol concert with Jeff. And I was super excited about it. When I saw that they were coming. I was like, let’s definitely get tickets. Because I just I love their music. And that’s very much the type of concert that I like going to the two best concerts that I’ve seen recently. One I love Snow Patrol. And then the second one is I went to an Andy grammer concert recently. And he’s on the joy tour right now, which corresponds to last week’s episode on joy. Yeah, so he’s on the joy tour. And his show was incredible. Yeah, I loved his energy in the way he like, put some like spoken poetry into the middle of it in a cool way. Yeah, I don’t know, his show. The way he put it on was awesome. I was disappointed though, because there’s a song that’s really important to Jeff and I called the good parts that he didn’t play. He didn’t play it. And I was very sad about that. But he played some other ones that I love. So anyway, back to Snow Patrol. So we go to this concert, it’s at a venue that I really like going to we can walk to it, which is great. And the thing that I loved that I want to talk about is the main, the main singer, the lead singer, and like I’m not, I’m not the type of fan who knows the name of the lead singer. So I don’t know, I’m just gonna call them lead singer, the lead singer of Snow Patrol comes out on stage in the beginning, and there’s a music stand out there. And Snow Patrol is a band that has been around for like 20 plus years, a long time. And the lead singer is is also the songwriter. And so he comes out and he has this music stand on on stage. And

at one point during the show pretty early on, he just makes the announcement where he’s basically like, Yeah, I know. I’m the songwriter. I know I’ve been playing these songs for 20 years. He’s like, but I have the lyrics up here and Yeah, that’s how I roll. And I freaking loved it. I loved it. Because you know, so many times we have this expectation that, that the person on stage has to be perfect and put on a flawless show. But in reality, the amount of things that they’re doing is kind of crazy. Want, they’re playing an instrument to singing, remembering a bunch of lyrics while having spotlights blasted in your face? Like, it’s talent, it takes a skill to be able to be on stage and do all these things together. And, you know, there might be times when one of those is harder, or it’s not as comfortable. And so for him, he made it sound like, yeah, I write the lyrics, I’m playing the songs, but like, sometimes I forget, and I, I just, I loved it. Because I didn’t need him to be perfect. I didn’t need a flawless show. And I just loved the way that he owned the fact that sometimes remembering the lyrics is difficult for him. And he’d rather just have the music stand on stage, as a backup, I thought it was great. And this isn’t the first time that I have seen a performer like screw up on stage. So also, there, there were two points during the show, when he didn’t remember he he played like the wrong quarter or something, something happened, he screwed up on stage. And like, we had to restart that that loop in the song. And it’s not the first time that I’ve seen a performer do that. And I freaking I love when it happens, and not in some way where it’s like, Haha, I’m gonna laugh at you. I love it. Because it is so human. And, and I think we put so much pressure on people to be like flawless in some ways, I know, we certainly end up putting it on ourselves. And these moments where we just have someone who, who is so good at what they do, and yet, is still screwing up and willing to do it in a public way. I think it’s so so powerful. It’s always a great reminder for me about it’s okay, it’s okay to drop the perfectionism shell. And, you know, we talk about coping mechanisms on the show a lot, because, you know, it’s the human condition to develop coping mechanisms, we’re constantly trying to protect ourselves. And so I think perfectionism is one of the is one of the places where we end up adopting coping mechanisms, it’s like, okay, if I get straight A’s, people are not going to be disappointed in me. So here we go, I’m gonna bust my ass to go get straight A’s, and then like, everything’s gonna be fine. Or if I just am happy all the time, then it’s going to be fine. And no one wants to leave me, you know, these stories that we come up with, in our minds, or if I have the perfect message, everybody will be on board. And, and it’s going to be okay. And so we we adopt these like, rigid perfectionism, I feel like can be rigid. We adopt these like rigid frameworks for how we have to be. And so I love when I get reminders, especially from bands on stage in this area, where it is a performance when things just don’t go as planned. And that leads me to one of my favorite phrases that I to two of my favorite phrases that I’ve been integrating more in the past week, I use these routinely, but sometimes, you know,

certain tools work for a period of time, and then you know, something else takes precedence. And then, and then those old ones will will loop back around. And so this week for me, one or two, these two phrases that are I’m re integrating into my vocabulary are, I’m just going to blank and see what happens. There is mindset that I love, where it’s like just adopting everything as an experiment, because that’s really what it is. If we think about it, the life is an experiment. And nobody knows what they’re doing. At any given moment, like perfectly. We have this illusion of control and certainty with some systems that we operate in. But control is an illusion. control is an illusion, and the only thing that is certain rare is that there is uncertainty and things are going to change moment by moment. And it’s what we do with that change that determines how we view our life like we What our baseline status of happiness and joy and fear are. So I love the phrase, I’m just going to blank and see what happens. Because that takes the pressure off. It’s like, it changes, the way that we view expectation and expectations are great in some scenarios and lead to disappointment in others. And so, I love the phrase, I’m just going to blank and see what happens. Like, I’m just try it and see what happens. I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna try cooking asparagus with these mushrooms in this way and see what happens. I know I talked about food a time on here. And it’s because I love to cook and cooking. For me, it’s really interesting, because in some areas, I very much like I talked about being a recovering perfectionist, because I’m really so much better than I used to be. There are still some areas where it comes where it comes up for me and it creeps in as a coping mechanism. And some of those are in like my mood at times, I feel like I have to be in the perfect mood or whatnot, which sounds kind of weird at the moment. But whatever, it’s, it’s a thing for me. And so I’m constantly working on shedding layers, and years of using perfectionism as a coping mechanism. And I always find the kitchen to be a really interesting place for me, because it’s an area of my life where I don’t have any formal training. And i i trial and error. And I have a thing against recipes, because I feel like recipes, make the cooking process take five times longer than it needs to, especially when you’re trying to be perfect and use the perfect measurements with the recipe. You know if it’s like, okay, a quarter teaspoon of salt. It does not matter if it’s exactly a quarter teaspoon in most recipes, especially for cooking rather than baking. And I talked about this a lot to like, you know, I think a lot of times young women, I can only speak from the woman’s experience in this. We’re taught how to bake first. You know, it’s like, oh, I want to bake cookies with mom or bake brownies. least that’s what I grew up doing. All right, I want to make pancakes, things that are massively not healthy that don’t really anymore. But yeah, I learned how to bake in a lot of ways first, and I’m like decorating Christmas cookies with my grandma. And, and the thing that baking is that precision is more important than baking. You know, if you get the amount of baking soda wrong, then it totally screws things up. So precision is different in baking than it is in cooking and we learn to need to follow the recipe precisely or perfectly. There is a difference between precision and perfect. That will loop back around to but the thing is, is precision. I’m okay I’m down with being precise. But when it becomes this like okay, I’m just gonna be perfect. Stay in the lane. Like if I do this perfectly, the cake is going to turn out perfect.

Yes, that is there are factors there. But also sometimes like just the oven temperature can screw up a cookie. And like depending on what altitude you’re at, it can be different. So there’s still there’s still other variables that come in. But anyway, I’m on a tangent back to my point. When we learn how to bake, there’s more elements of needing things to be precise. And I think that can get distorted into feeling like I have to follow the recipe perfectly. And so I actually wish we taught people how to cook first because there’s so much more flexibility in in that. So I dated a guy from the time I was like a junior in high school through college we were together for seven years. And his dad is actually the person who I started to get more interested in cooking from in college like as a hobby. I would take cake decorating classes and I was still into baking and then his dad would make though this freakin pasta sauce. And my mom always cooked to growing up but it wasn’t always things like from scratch. And his dad I remember would cook you and make this delicious pasta sauce that he spent hours making and it was so damn young. And I just loved it. And so I started to be around them more. And then ultimately, at one point, his dad ended up being diagnosed with with cancer. And he loved food so much that, honestly, we expected him at the point of diagnosis to live for three weeks. And he ended up living for 15 months. And he loved food so much that and when you’re when you know, when you have terminal cancer, and you know that the end is coming in, you don’t know when it’s coming he really wanted for as long as he could to have amazing meals. And so it was almost like for 15 months, we were cooking as if every meal was the last meal. And it was sort of during that time where I started cooking more inexperienced experimenting more in in the kitchen, learning things from him, and, and his wife at the time. My boyfriend at the Times mom, who was also a great, a great cook. And so I in the kitchen, this is my whole point of this story. For some reason, in the kitchen, I am completely comfortable experimenting, I am completely comfortable adopting the phrase, I’m just going to throw in this spice and see what happens. And it’s because in those recipes I’ve always felt or in those. In cooking, I’ve always found the dish to be forgiving in that way where it’s like, you know, a cake isn’t very forgiving if you screw up the amount of baking soda or baking powder. Or if you have too much sugar. But in cooking, you can adjust like you can taste as you go and you can adjust and if you add too much salt, well, you can add something else to to counterbalance it. And so in the kitchen, it’s this area where I don’t have the formal training. Most other areas of my life, I have some sort of training that I have relied on. But in this area, I don’t. And yet it is the area where I am consistently very confident. And you know, I routinely not to toot my own horn, but I routinely have people tell me that I I could have restaurant or that the food I make is restaurant quality, which I love because I love nourishing people. It’s so fun for me. But it’s that area where competence doesn’t really come into question. And I think it actually has a lot to do with the simple fact that I adopted the mindset relatively early on that I’m just going to do it and see what happens because the worst that happens is like I scratch it and have to make something else super quick. And I think my desire to like never have to use a recipe motivated this Because seriously, I swear, if you use a recipe, it takes way longer to cook the damn dish, because you’re going back and forth and trying to be perfect and like versus you know, okay, an Italian dish, you’re gonna want basil, you’re gonna want oregano, you might want some red chili pepper, and salt and pepper. All right, let’s mix up some combination of that.

And, and so that is one area where I’ve consistently used that phrase. And I’ve seen the results over and over and over again. And it leads to me not questioning myself in the same way. And so transferring that to other areas of my life and remembering that phrase has been really important in unwinding some of the perfectionist techniques. And so that is one phrase that I have read adopted into my vocabulary this week. And the other one is that turned out differently than I expected.

And someone told me this at one point and and I loved I just love this phrase that turned out differently than I expected. Because so many times we have expectations of how something is going to go. And then if those aren’t met, we can get disappointed. But if we go into something knowing that it may turn out differently, I think it just loosens it loosens the situation it it It loosens the grip that we have on the situation and how much we want to control it. So that other phrase is that turned out differently than I expected. And if we can adopt that, I think you just end up with more of a lightness to life. And I think that’s routinely what I search for, in what I love helping people discover, you know, so many times we get stuck in this heaviness or things just feel heavy, or we’re carrying the emotional weight of something. And, you know, like, we use the words like emotional baggage or baggage a lot. And like, the thing about luggage is it’s freaking heavy. And it can weigh down situations. And so most of what I try and do in life by one, cultivating an intentional life, and to through through the work that I do, is to help experience more lightness not being as tied or weighed down to either conditioning or past experiences, when we can learn to see the situation for what it is, rather than just for how we may have interpreted something like that in the past, or how we’ve been conditioned to think about something, we get this superpower of being able to see from higher view, like like being able to observe our lives rather than just just reacting constantly. And when we do that, everything sort of feels lighter, it feels lighter, because we don’t have as much attachment to the outcome in the same way. And again, this happens in cooking all the time, like, yesterday, actually. So I’m on this weird diet right now. There’s something in my gut that I’m trying to fix. And so I’m not going to give all the details of what’s on the diet, but I can, for three weeks, I’m eating a very limited amount of things like I’m talking like bison, cucumbers, celery, asparagus, like, it’s just, it’s very specific. It’s tailored to me. And the amount of foods I eat is significantly easier to articulate than the amount of foods that I can’t eat. So I’ll leave it at that. But how to sweet tooth and how to, I’ve been eating like nut butter mixed with a little bit of honey in it as the Sweet Tooth for now nine days. And now I want to like last night I was like I need something with texture, I want a frickin cookie. And I’m gluten free. I can’t eat gluten. So like in general, I don’t really crave cookies, but I wanted a cookie. And I was like, I wonder if I can figure out how to make a cookie with this very limited diet that I’m on. Now, I can’t have sugar, I can’t have flour, I can’t have eggs, and I can’t have butter. And I can’t have chocolate. So those are the five ingredients that are key to a chocolate chip cookie. And I had none of them to work with. So I just set out though, and I was like, I’m just gonna try it and see what happens. And so I make the first batch. And in my rebellion against baking in my Yeah, in my rebellion against recipes and killing like I have to have the perfect amount. In the first batch I made. I poured baking soda in like without even using a measuring spoon at all. And too much ended up in there and I kind of knew it, but I was like, Oh, maybe I can get away with it. So I put the first batch in, they came out the texture was amazing. But they tasted terrible. They tasted like total crap because I was a little bit liberal with the baking soda. So next, I decided to remake them like I was like okay, that turned out differently than I expected for sure and in a negative way. So I decided to remake them. And this time I use baking powder instead of baking soda. And rather than just like shaking it out and pouring it in the bin I did use a measuring spoon, but I still was not using Recipe This was completely made up. I was just doing it trying to make movies and see what happens.

And I ended up using flaxseed and water because that can kind of make an egg mixture. And then I used almond butter instead of butter and almond flour instead of flour. And I put in a little bit of vanilla like a tiny amount. And so it was like kind of like a makeshift almond, oatmeal cookie. And the second batch actually was really good now really good relative to a chocolate chip cookie. No, not at all. But really good in terms of, I’m on this unlimited food system right now. And I really want something that tastes like a cookie. Yes, great in that category. And, and, and it did, it turned out differently than I expected. Because you know, when we say cookie, especially oatmeal cookie growing up, my mom had this recipe for the most amazing like Gooey, gooey, oatmeal cookies. And so like, I wanted that, and this was not anywhere close to that. But it was good. It turned out differently than I expected. So these are two phrases that I have adopted into my life. And I always kind of come back to the kitchen and food because it’s the area for me, where I don’t question myself. And I think those areas in our lives, when we recognize them, that’s a place to search for lessons. Because if we’re not questioning ourselves there, if we’re not putting on as many coping mechanisms, then it brings out more of our true essence. And I think there are things for us to learn in there. And sometimes I get the question, then we’ll Alyssa, like, why don’t you? Why don’t you cook for a living then. And honestly, I did. I was going to start a food blog at one point. And it was going to be called the Taco Bell, but like B E ll E. Because at the time, like I was obsessed with making a ton of different types of tacos. But what I quickly realized is that I freaking hate taking food pictures, and I hate writing the recipes. I hated it. So like what’s the point of having a food blog is not telling people how to cook the meal. But I didn’t want to write the recipes. So that is why I don’t do that, at least in the online space. I do love cooking for people though, and having people over for dinner. One of my favorite date nights that Jeff planned early on, was a chef’s challenge. And we ended up you have like three couples or people with dates three groups of people. And we live near a Whole Foods. And so people come over and every person writes down a mystery ingredient. And then we go to the store and we go shopping. And so the whole thing is like we have three groups of people because someone cooks an appetizer, someone cooks, the main course and someone makes a dessert. And every meal, or every course has to have each of the mystery ingredients in it. And so we draw out of the hat, who’s making what dish and then you strategize with your partner around what you think you’re gonna make. And we all walk to the store and then come back and cook and eat and enjoy the meal. And I freaking love that as a date night. He planned it very early on. And we’ve done it a few times since then. So, so So, so fun. I don’t remember why I was telling you that story. But alas, oh, lessons in the kitchen. Where did I get there? Oh, yes, I was just telling you why I don’t cook, and then things I like to do instead. And honestly, we talked about joy and juicers last week. The Chef’s challenge is the total joy inducer. For me being the kitchen is a joy inducer. For me in general, I love the process of cooking, because it’s an area where I don’t question myself as much. And so, Where are areas where you don’t question yourself as much? And where are the areas where you’re comfortable already being like, I’m just gonna do it and see what happens and then using the phrase that turned out differently than I expected. Where are those areas in your life right now? And what can you learn from them? What can you transfer from that area of your life to somewhere else? I am forever saying that. We are not brain. We are not meant to exist in silos

are professional and our personal lives are inextricably linked. And while sometimes we put up borders to be able to think and move forward throughout the day, if something’s going on in one area that’s making us uncomfortable in another area. They’re still tied together. And that means that we can take knowledge we have in one area and transport transfer it to another area of our life and use the lessons in a different way and I Love that. And so if I wrap it back around to Snow Patrol right now, what I loved is when they come on stage and they screw up, it’s kind of this air of like, that turned out differently than I expected, or you know, sometimes like a performers voice will crack on stage. And you could either in that moment, they can either completely freeze and be like, Oh my god, I totally just fucked up like this, that this song is back to now. Or it’s like, that turned out differently than I expected. Like, let me do that again. And it sets the tone for everything for everything else. And so I freaking loved that the lead singer from Snow Patrol was just like, Nope, that’s not right. I’m gonna start over. And then he has his music stand on stage, even though it is his music and lyrics that he’s been playing for, like 20 years. And Andy grammer screwed up on stage two, which I also loved. Like they were playing a new song. It was one of the first times they’d been played, and they just started over. Trevor Hall has done the same thing. And I love it every time I see it. Because honestly, I don’t need someone to be perfect. I love excellence. I love precision. I love knowing that someone’s being intentional about what they’re doing. And they’re preparing so that they’re not just like screwing up willy nilly. But I don’t need someone to be perfect all the time. And so why do we expect ourselves to be perfect all the time. We’re constantly putting standards on ourselves that we don’t put on others. And that’s just not very nice. And I firmly believe that we have different parts of ourselves. I think we’ve talked about me in the Shrek dragon before. You know, in Shrek, the pink dragon that donkey falls in love with how she’s bright pink, like this magenta color. Honestly, it’s like one of my favorite colors. If you’re watching this on YouTube, you can see it in the painting behind me. But anyway, sometimes she breathes freakin fire. And other times, she’s so flirty, and she has these long eyelashes. And she’s like batting them and she’s super flirty. And so we definitely joke like that, that I have the Shrek dragon. It’s part of me. Because sometimes I got put up a coping mechanism where it’s like accidentally, like breathing fire, which is a little extreme. She also I will say like, sometimes she’s like Mario, where it’s just like these little spit balls instead of like full flame. But we all we all have parts of ourselves, we all have times where we get more defensive or we we’re employing a coping mechanism. For some people, it might be like a puffer fish like you pump up to protect yourself and then only when it feels safe again, do you deflate? You know, for me, it’s like okay, Spitfire might accidentally come out. And then and then it when it comes down, you know, she’s this flirty, adorable magenta dragon.

And, and I firmly believe that when we recognize these parts, and we name them, it gives us language to what’s going on. And especially if you’re in a relationship it can give you and whoever you’re with the opportunity to recognize it. And like, rather than it being you against them, it can be you guys together. And there’s this other thing over here that is preventing connection. And so it’s a super powerful tool tool that Jeff and I use in our relationship, and I use it with myself to, I call it the Throne Room, where if there is part of me that is taking over, like if, if the perfectionist part of me is taking over, then I need to have a throne room meeting and go into the throne room and have a conversation with this part of myself and give her a voice because if she’s acting out, it means she needs a voice. And this is something I walk clients through routinely as well. We call it a parts party. Do you need to have a party party? And if you have a perfectionist voice that sits on your shoulder, or that comes out at times, you might need to have a parts party and have a conversation with this part of yourself and allow them to have a voice What are they trying to tell you because it usually comes out for a reason. Usually it revolves around protection of some sort. But what are they trying to protect you from what is the situation reminding you of these are the questions that are great to have with yourself. And again, I firmly believe that it is it is such a useful tool in relationships as well to have this other to give a name to it so that people remember what’s going on. It’s easier to have Have compassion in that way. So like we even joke with cleaning the house, like we have alter egos that are in charge of certain chores. So for me, the tilde is in charge of cleaning the bathroom. And if I’ve been slacking on cleaning the bathroom, then we joke. It’s like, Oh, my God, Matilda is such a slacker. But it’s not. It gives it some distance from me. And so I don’t feel the instant need to react. It’s like, I can laugh and be like, You know what, you’re right. Matilda has been slacking, let me go call her up and see when she’s gonna come for a visit. And it’s that same thing that I was saying earlier, around, being able to have some distance from the situation and be observers of our life, rather than just reacting to everything happening to us immediately. And that is why I’m constantly talking about the power of the pause. And the fact that Gatorade or it’s not catering, I think it’s powered Powerade or Gatorade has a commercial right now. And it’s like, pause is power. And I’m like, I hate that you’re using it like this, because I wouldn’t be able to talk about as in a very specific way. And I don’t want it to get lumped in with this Powerade commercial. Anyway, I digress. Alright, so we’ve talked about perfectionism. I was going to also bring up people pleasing. But I think I’m going to leave that one for another episode. For right now, the last thing I wanted to talk about was, was permission, giving yourself permission. And I’m just gonna leave this as like a cliffhanger. Because I needed to do I want to do a full episode of this. I recently wrote an email to my newsletter, installment of the peel, which is the official name for the newsletter because I love naming things. And I recently wrote an installment of the peel around asking for permission. And so many times, I think we ask, we ask for permission, when we don’t need to, instead of just granting it to ourselves. And I will say that’s another thing that happens for me in the kitchen is that’s an area where I’m like, I just give myself permission, I don’t need to ask for for from anyone else. And that is part of the reason why it unwinds and feels like such a life giving energy restoring experience for me to cook. Because all of these other things aren’t getting in the way. So I think I’ll save that for another episode as well. But if you want to get The Peel,

it’s an awesome email comes to your inbox a few times a week, and I share some awesome stories in there. And to sign up, go to Alyssa patmos.com forward slash the peel would love for you to be a part of that community. It’s fresh perspectives on the layers of life. And it further is like supports make it mentioned balls, like what we can mention we can we can manage. And so I bring up some of the things that that can be hard to imagine. All right, perfectionism. And people screwing up on stage. That’s what I’ve got for you today. So the two major mindset pivots that we talked about, are I’m just going to x and see what happens. I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna do it and see what happens. I’m just gonna go on this date and see what happens. If we had that approach to dating. I feel like it would take so much pressure off. Because so many times there’s like this pressure, like, I want the date to go perfect, because you know, I want it to lead to X, Y, and Z. Like no, that is jumping ahead far too much. The first day just needs to be like, I’m gonna go on this date and see what happens. And then assess if you even like the person. So many times we we just want them to like us that we forget that we also have to like them. And so the first few dates should just be like, Yeah, I’m gonna go on this date and see what happens and go from there. And then you know, if the date goes really shitty, or if it goes really well, because you know, sometimes you can go into a date with the expectation of my co batch using that second mindset pivot around. That turned out differently than I expected. And that could be good or bad, but it just loosens our grip around situations and how we feel like we have to protect ourselves because it allows for things to go differently than we planned. It allows for things to not be perfect and I love that adds more lightness to life. So, I would love to know, where are the areas where like you already feel these things, what is your what is your kitchen? And then how are you going to start using these. And if you do use them, let me know how the experience goes for you. I would love, love, love to know. So as always, thank you thank you for tuning in. This has been another episode of makeup mentionable and I will meet you back here next Tuesday. And if you want more of me, in the meantime, there are a bunch of other episodes you can check out. But you can also head to Alyssa patmos.com forward slash appeal and sign up to get love letters from me directly to your inbox. I’ll catch you back here next week. And if you have any topics that you want me to cover on the show, feel free to shoot me a text 512-710-5124. I’ll catch you next week.

You’ve just finished listening to another episode of Make It Mentionable with me, your host, Alyssa Patmos. If you’re looking for more in between episodes, then sign up for The Peel. It’s my free newsletter that gives tips for how to navigate whatever life dishes and it’s also the place where I share the juiciest of stories. To check it out, head on over to Alyssapatmos.com/thepeel. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I’ll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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