We’re weird creatures.
Our identities are made up of a messy amalgamation of stories.
Stories that are told to us from the time we’re born.
Stories that are passed down from other people who have carried the weight of stories told to them.
Stories that, while once told with good intention, have become mired in shame and rules out of an inherent longing for security.
I find it’s best to unlearn these stories.
Because when we do that, our lives become our own.
Instead of a messy amalgamation of other people’s stories, insecurities, fears, and desires, our identity becomes constructed from our desires.
We become connected to ourselves in entirely new ways when that happens. And from that place, it’s often we become better partners, friends, collaborators.
We live in a society that teaches us to abnegate the throne of our authority and hand it over to anyone claiming to be an expert.
This is deeply misguided.
It prevents us from speaking our truth, from owning our own experiences, from thinking our own stories are worth sharing.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Reclaiming our birthright to express emotions, have needs, and dream up desires is often the first step in transforming our relationships.
If we don’t have a relationship with ourselves, we risk becoming robots—walking around with mechanical movement, relying solely on analysis, and denying the most basic human elements of ourselves.
Have you ever suppressed what you’re feeling to please someone else?
Being in relationship means attempting to translate our inner world to the outer world (aka someone else) as they try to do the same.
That is a messy process.
It requires courage, commitment, a boatload of curiosity and compassion, and a general willingness to screw it up in the name of peeling back yet another layer.
It also requires getting to know yourself even better through interactions with others so that we may truly live instead of withering away in disconnection from ourselves.
This is what I’m obsessed with moment by moment and what I help my clients do.
P.S. Money is something we get told so many stories about, which is why my friend Britni and I break down how to talk about money and debt without shame and embarrassment in this episode of the Make it Mentionable show.